J. J. Hanna © 2021
I’ll admit it. It was a lot harder to be a vampire back before there was modern medicine and modern conveniences, in large part because I couldn’t blend in nearly as well. Mirrors used to have silver backing, and if you’ve ever tried to style your hair without a mirror you’ll know just as well as I do that it’s not easy to look good.
Then they started backing them with aluminum instead, and that was the first convenience I was extremely excited for.
The next convenience that made life so much easier was electricity. You know the most dangerous things to a vampire? Sunlight, fire, and wood.
Sunlight is easily avoided now because of the rise of 100 SPF clothing, no one ever needs fire or torches to see now, and because of the lack of torches, people don’t have wood lying around to stake us in the heart! The stakes that come with tents now are either plastic or metal, and I can’t tell you how much of a relief that is. Because they’re not even dangerous metals. Most of them are iron because of how sturdy and cheap it is. And as long as it’s not silver, well . . . I tell you, it’s so much easier now.
Not to mention that we don’t even have to leave the house. We can just hire a dog walker or a pizza delivery to get fresh food straight to our door. Of course we don’t kill them. We just . . . Have a little snack.
Even better than that, though? We can get a job in a blood bank. A blood bank! Before modern medicine people didn’t part with their blood so easily. Sometimes those bags go missing. That’s hardly . . . Well, it is my fault. But the people who donate don’t miss it.
And anyway, there are so many other options out there that people won’t miss if you’re looking for fresh blood. Humans taste the best, I’ll give them that. But in a pinch cows or sheep work just as well. And humans still write it off as an animal attack.
Even fashion has become more accepting. I can wear my old favorites again and people just think I’m an eccentric cosplayer! I don’t even have to try to hide my fangs anymore. It’s a trend on TikTok. Did you know that? People are really out there giving tutorials about where they got their fangs and how they apply them. I can just. Be on the internet. And people follow me because they think I’m funny! And now there’s a creator fund that gives me money every time people watch my videos, so I don’t even need to work at the blood bank anymore if I didn’t want to.
I tell you, things were a lot harder when you had to make sure you weren’t freaking people out by wearing 12th century clothing when you went to the general store in hopes of finding anything you could eat.
Back on the topic of jobs for a moment, if you really wanted to, there are so many “graveyard” shifts the humans don’t want, and the humans who do want those jobs are so accepting? Maybe they’re just too tired to care, but if I can start working when the sun goes down and end before the sun comes up, and still tell people I work at Walmart if they ask, I really don’t see a downside.
It did throw me off the first time someone teased me and said I was “a creature of the night.” I thought they were onto me and I’d have to run away and start over again. But they laughed it off and now we’re friends? We eat lunch together at midnight all the time. Well, we ate lunch together before they quit and before I’d been there too long and my coworkers were wondering how I still looked so young . . .
That’s when I studied for a while and switched to the blood bank. There’s enough turnover that no one asks any questions, because no one pays enough attention or really wants to work in the back of the traveling donation van full time.
It does get lonely though. And I like you. Or I wouldn’t have told you all this.
I feel a little odd asking you this . . . Would you want to join me? I can show you the ropes. It would be fun! We could hang out together forever. You could get really good at ceramics, or painting, or gardening. We could spend entire nights looking for cool rocks! And we could play video games all day. I have all the retro systems.
Please? I promise it won’t hurt . . .
This story, segments of this story, and ideas from this story are not to be duplicated or replicated in any way. This content belongs to J. J. Hanna alone.
Please note: This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real events is unintended by the author.
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J. J. Hanna is a writer and reader from Colorado. She loves suspense stories above all else, and is currently working on a debut novel of her own. When she's not writing, you can find her making YouTube videos and Online Courses about the publishing industry. Go find her on social media @authorjjhanna to keep track of her most recent reads, current adventures, and to get the most up to date news on all things publishing.